so far (for a more melodious experience, skip this and listen to CSNY's version instead)

ok, so adding "keeping a blog" to my list of to-dos was obviously overly ambitious. but what else is new. if only they had a major in over-acheivement. and it was somehow related to humanitarian aid.

but yesterday the time came to make a few decisions. well, not the time itself, that wasn't actually available at the time. but as the decisions demanded to be made, i made some decisions anyway. and despite being a better vacant space than a friend or relative lately, many of you seem to still want to know me and know what i'm doing, so now that i finally have some answers for you, here they are, in no particular order (which has also been absent for quite awhile now):

i will be in california for september. the sports nutritionist i'm working with can only see me again for our final consult at the end of september, and i really want to work with him, so i'm going to plan on travelling on the abroad-adventure the first week of october. what this means i don't actually know. but i DO know that i don't seem to be figuring anything out from this side of the atlantic, so perhaps if i go to THAT side i'll have a better chance of finding (or tripping over) the answers i'm looking for. no idea if this will work, no idea how long i can live off my savings, no idea how to get any the stuff i'd need there and back, or where "there" is precisely beyond the general, don't really much care to dwell on anything that complicated; i have to keep things simple or i'll have a panic attack, so since i want to be there and i want to go to nursing school there and i can't seem to figure that out from america, then i'll go there. that's logical, right? i will not be working after august 26th, other than small odd jobs, just enough to cover my expenses without dipping into my savings. no kid stuff, though. i will still be selling sophie the subaru at the end of august, so no car payment, no insurance bill, no gas money. just groceries, tri gear (minimal, after the upgrade), and my cell bill. i will upgrade my tri gear (new triathlon bike being #1) with what i make in cash from sophie, and have a good base to train with here and there. september will be about training (always the big one) which has been suffering under my workload and stress levels, and about playing 1.5 years' worth of catch-up; paperwork, finances, unfinished knitting projects, garage sale-ing away 90% of what i own, going to the eye doctor... everything for myself i haven't had the time to since i moved here. including working on nursing school and other future plans. i'll compete some, though i just found out from eric that he's moving to north carolina (yay eric! you inspire me beyond the sport, taking the big blind leaps to get where you want to go is a lesson i needed along with drills and climbing out of the saddle! thanks for having faith in my ability to impove, and for making time for a newbie-wannabe!) so i'll have to find another coach for august and september... and play around with sponsorships and grants and so on, so that i can do what i want (interchangable with need/crave/lust) to do: go to school and do triathlon, period. i will get a minimum of 7 hours of sleep per night, with 8 being the goal. i will blog. i will write. i will play the fiddle i haven't played in at least 2 months. i will eat sitting down in an non-moving seat in quiet, i will eat food that takes longer than 1 minute to throw together, and i will chew it. i will take time to enjoy being here in this beautiful place, to enjoy being strong and alive. to speak to and write to and SEE the people i care about. to have time alone. to rebuild the parts of me that feel broken and over-used. to revel in easy access to tofu. and double rainbow vegan chocolate ribbon mocha almond ice cream. and rain-free world-class training venues. and redwood trees.

so far, i like all these decisions. and since lately it seems that i'm mentally reduced to only being able to focus on one moment at a time (if that), i'm going to just go with them and see what happens.

thanks for still being there. and for not giving up even when i do. it may be awhile, probably september, but i will indeed be striving to write/call/email back to everyone. cause if you can't find two minutes together to type "HI" to the people you love, what the hell is life for anyway?

namaste.